Kodapendent: The Ex Files

by Dakoda "Puddle" Star

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1.
Great! 01:55
(It's fine, I'm great y'kno, that's just-) Great Yeah, no It's Fine You feel me man if that's the plan I'll wait here just give me the sign Cause this is Love or so we Say Get broken hearts but we'll restart We'll fall in love another day Laugh at my jokes I'll ignore my apprehensions Forgive n forget regardless of intention I won't let you down. (Please don't lie to me) And when you sell You know I'll buy You know the words The nouns and verbs No, you don't even have to try. Yeah you can claim And I'll believe And when it crumbles down before me I won't even get to grieve 'cause We're in a loop we both can see Ya promise the moon, the skies and the sea (I'll believe anything) Say you'll give anything to me (except for boundaries) And the bar was on the floor it was so low and yet your toe was stubbed, And I was snubbed, and you showed me the door (and even if I saw it comin', I still came crawling back for more) If every case can't be my fault In just a blink you had me think A hit to pride was still assault (ew!) 'Cause every time I see through a delusion You lose your cool like there's need for retribution What did I do wrong? (it must be my fault) What did I do wrong?
2.
you're the perfect blend of insecure thru the shell of which you've toughened With need to please and deep concerns you'll never be enough and How perfectly it works for me, you're the drug that I've been missing flick the upturned needle and inject direct into my bloodstream, darling There's no risk in cheating if I treat it like a game There's no risk in heartbreak cause they'll never know my name. Keep a simple secret, it's my fun, and there's no shame. "You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same" You're the perfect blend of paranoid With a strong sense of observance "You overthink", you read into my words beyond the surface and how carefully I got be Of how I phrase my words Cause you're a 'benefit' at best And an inconvenience at your worst There's no risk in cheating if I treat it like a game There's no risk in heartbreak cause they'll never know my name. Keep a simple secret, it's my fun, and there's no shame. "You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same…" She's my everything, but just for now I suppose you'll have to do. Isn't it convenient how "I could never love somebody like you."
3.
Nobody Knows 02:23
YOU BEEN SHOWIN UP LATE AT NIGHT LOOKIN FOR REASON TO START A FIGHT DID YOU THINK I'D WANT TO SEE YOU? WELL I DON'T CALL YOU ON THE LIES I SEE YOU THROW KINDA WANNA SAY I TOLD YOU SO THINK I'D TAKE YOUR SORRY ASS BACK? WELL I WON'T. You're problematic, Overdramatic Pity just won't last and it shows Toxic behavior, Just in your nature And you won't hesitate to impose you think that nobody knows you think that nobody knows You're problematic, Overdramatic won't lead by example but by the nose becoming intrusive, straight up abusive get under my skin to into my clothes You think that nobody knows You think that nobody knows Warnings unheeded, more than conceited couldn't yet see the imprint you made. Won't fall for the baiting, it's so frustrating I won't back down and I'm not afraid. Almost cinematic, it's systematic poisonous fruit from a dangerous tree heal up those bruises, won't be reclusive or made to feel bad for what I couldn't see and nobody knows Nobody knows Nobody knows what I know.
4.
I turned around and saw myself begging I saw myself sobbing on my knees Pleading my case, that yes, I still love you But I have nothing left I can't keep giving you these pieces of me (giving you these pieces of me) Closure is a fleeting victory I remember pretty much everything It's not fair It's not right Every time that we'd fight You got closure You got sympathy Then you're laying desperate and crying And show a side you've never shown before You throw your hands. You say that you're worthless "I love you" You won't get up until I join you on the floor Closure is a fleeting victory I remember pretty much everything It's not fair It's not right Every time that we'd fight You got closure You got sympathy I turned around and saw myself seething I saw myself wishing that I'd seen The warnings and the patterns All the flags and all the signs None of this was healthy for me You said "When I'm gone You will not think of me." I said "Well you're wrong, You still mean everything." but It's been months It's messed up I processed your fuck ups I got closure And it means nothing.
5.
Tiny Lizard 03:57
had a dream I met a tiny lizard Didn't name them, but they couldn't let me go They'd run up my foot, up my leg, down my arm Whenever I'd put them on the grass below And the books I reference won't give me a hint why this lizard stared up in my palm Its tail would sting me and break off if I moved too much for their sake and mine, I kept calm When I showed them to all of the people I love They'd climb aboard and they'd explore them too But they always came back to my outreached hand Why they chose me, I didn't have a clue. And it first it felt like a blessing That something so small could love me so much But I looked down my arms at the palms of my hands And the deep rooted tail stubs which hurt to the touch I thought I was careful. I was being so careful. I was doing what I thought I had to do To keep you from hurting yourself and from hurting me What did I do? Oh what do I do? Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Are you still on me now? I can feel my heart ache Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Will the tail stubs come out? Did I make a mistake? I don't know It's been a year since I met that tiny lizard and I gave them, a life through a song and I had so much trouble discerning the meaning I was so sure, convinced I was wrong. and I sung to myself, and I sung to a stream shared this moment, my dream, although brief and I must append that despite my small friend, the melody would bring me relief. But "I thought I was careful I was being so careful" what everything meant became so clear to see I kept getting tangled with every relation found a role I could fill so it could fill me "Where'd you go? Where'd you go?" I convinced myself you were defenseless and small. "Where'd you go? Where'd you go?" I admit to myself, it doesn't matter at all. Now I know, Now I know. my fight or flight's broken and I only freeze Now I know, Now I know. It's okay to let go, practice catch and release Now I know, Now I know. Close the door behind me, so I can find peace.
6.
I wrote the book on petty revenge when a bond or a friendship eventually ends yea I know it's childish but nothing quite mends a heart full of ache like some petty revenge Don't feel too bad, it's a victimless crime it's not like it takes up too much of your time, there isn't much setup, it won't cost a dime the best way to get back is just live your life Smile in the pictures you know they'll be seeing Keep doing you and in the case that they're creeping just Point out all the things in which you've been succeeding Be proud of yourself, it'll eat them alive I wrote the book on petty revenge when a bond or a friendship eventually ends So I see what you're doing, though we said we'd stay friends We're supposed to be cool but you want petty revenge yeah I won't feel bad 'cause I'm outta the fog I've blocked all your socials, I won't check you blog all this triangulation, and re-shifting the blame I'm not falling for that, no, I'm not playin' your game instead I'll smile in the pictures I know you'll be seeing Find joy in myself while I know that you're creeping I'll Point out the things in which I've been succeeding Be proud of myself, because it eats you alive I'm proud of myself I know it eats you alive Keep on, be strong, tho you know that they're staring Your sense of self worth won't rely on their caring They're hitting refresh on everything that you're sharing be proud of yourself, you know it eats them alive be proud of yourself, you know it eats them alive it'll eat them alive

about

edit: bandcamp never released my album???? UHHH?? SORRY!!!!

Hi I found out a couple years ago I've been struggling with codependency my whole life as a result of never being allowed to have boundaries as a child, so I entered a bunch of relationships that were Bad for me. don't worry, I'm in therapy now and working on it.

Each song in this EP is part of a story involving ex lovers, some of which from my perspective, some of which from theirs. It's my first time self-mastering stuff, my apologies for little vocal cuts in some tracks.

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released July 19, 2019

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Dakoda "Puddle" Star Irvine, California

I make sounds.

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