Kodapendent: The Ex Files

by Dakoda "Puddle" Star

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about

edit: bandcamp never released my album???? UHHH?? SORRY!!!!

Hi I found out a couple years ago I've been struggling with codependency my whole life as a result of never being allowed to have boundaries as a child, so I entered a bunch of relationships that were Bad for me. don't worry, I'm in therapy now and working on it.

Each song in this EP is part of a story involving ex lovers, some of which from my perspective, some of which from theirs. It's my first time self-mastering stuff, my apologies for little vocal cuts in some tracks.

credits

released July 19, 2019

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all rights reserved

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Dakoda "Puddle" Star Irvine, California

I make sounds.

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Track Name: Great!
(It's fine, I'm great y'kno, that's just-)
Great
Yeah, no It's Fine
You feel me man if that's the plan
I'll wait here just give me the sign
Cause this is Love or so we Say
Get broken hearts but we'll restart
We'll fall in love another day

Laugh at my jokes I'll ignore my apprehensions
Forgive n forget regardless of intention
I won't let you down.
(Please don't lie to me)

And when you sell
You know I'll buy
You know the words
The nouns and verbs
No, you don't even have to try.
Yeah you can claim
And I'll believe
And when it crumbles down before me
I won't even get to grieve 'cause

We're in a loop we both can see
Ya promise the moon, the skies and the sea
(I'll believe anything)
Say you'll give anything to me
(except for boundaries)

And the bar was on the floor
it was so low and yet your toe was stubbed,
And I was snubbed, and you showed me the door
(and even if I saw it comin', I still came crawling back for more)

If every case can't be my fault
In just a blink you had me think
A hit to pride was still assault (ew!)

'Cause every time I see through a delusion
You lose your cool like there's need for retribution
What did I do wrong? (it must be my fault)
What did I do wrong?
Track Name: Steak and Kibble
you're the perfect blend of insecure
thru the shell of which you've toughened
With need to please and deep concerns
you'll never be enough and

How perfectly it works for me,
you're the drug that I've been missing
flick the upturned needle and inject direct into my bloodstream, darling

There's no risk in cheating if I treat it like a game
There's no risk in heartbreak cause they'll never know my name.
Keep a simple secret, it's my fun, and there's no shame.
"You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same
You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same"

You're the perfect blend of paranoid
With a strong sense of observance
"You overthink", you read into
my words beyond the surface

and how carefully I got be
Of how I phrase my words
Cause you're a 'benefit' at best
And an inconvenience at your worst

There's no risk in cheating if I treat it like a game
There's no risk in heartbreak cause they'll never know my name.
Keep a simple secret, it's my fun, and there's no shame.
"You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same
You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same
You’re the steak and she's just kibble, it'll never be the same…"

She's my everything, but just for now
I suppose you'll have to do.
Isn't it convenient how
"I could never love somebody like you."
Track Name: Nobody Knows
YOU BEEN SHOWIN UP LATE AT NIGHT
LOOKIN FOR REASON TO START A FIGHT
DID YOU THINK I'D WANT TO SEE YOU?
WELL I DON'T

CALL YOU ON THE LIES I SEE YOU THROW
KINDA WANNA SAY I TOLD YOU SO
THINK I'D TAKE YOUR SORRY ASS BACK?
WELL I WON'T.

You're problematic, Overdramatic
Pity just won't last and it shows
Toxic behavior, Just in your nature
And you won't hesitate to impose

you think that nobody knows
you think that nobody knows

You're problematic, Overdramatic
won't lead by example but by the nose
becoming intrusive, straight up abusive
get under my skin to into my clothes

You think that nobody knows
You think that nobody knows

Warnings unheeded, more than conceited
couldn't yet see the imprint you made.
Won't fall for the baiting, it's so frustrating
I won't back down and I'm not afraid.

Almost cinematic, it's systematic
poisonous fruit from a dangerous tree
heal up those bruises, won't be reclusive
or made to feel bad for what I couldn't see

and nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows
what I know.
Track Name: Closure (Robot Song)
I turned around and saw myself begging
I saw myself sobbing on my knees
Pleading my case, that yes, I still love you
But I have nothing left
I can't keep giving you these pieces of me
(giving you these pieces of me)

Closure is a fleeting victory
I remember pretty much everything
It's not fair It's not right
Every time that we'd fight
You got closure
You got sympathy

Then you're laying desperate and crying
And show a side you've never shown before
You throw your hands. You say that you're worthless
"I love you"
You won't get up until I join you on the floor

Closure is a fleeting victory
I remember pretty much everything
It's not fair It's not right
Every time that we'd fight
You got closure
You got sympathy

I turned around and saw myself seething
I saw myself wishing that I'd seen
The warnings and the patterns
All the flags and all the signs
None of this was healthy for me

You said
"When I'm gone
You will not think of me."
I said "Well you're wrong,
You still mean everything."

but It's been months
It's messed up
I processed your fuck ups
I got closure
And it means nothing.
Track Name: Tiny Lizard
had a dream I met a tiny lizard
Didn't name them, but they couldn't let me go
They'd run up my foot, up my leg, down my arm
Whenever I'd put them on the grass below

And the books I reference won't give me a hint
why this lizard stared up in my palm
Its tail would sting me and break off if I moved too much
for their sake and mine, I kept calm

When I showed them to all of the people I love
They'd climb aboard and they'd explore them too
But they always came back to my outreached hand
Why they chose me, I didn't have a clue.

And it first it felt like a blessing
That something so small
could love me so much

But I looked down my arms
at the palms of my hands
And the deep rooted tail stubs
which hurt to the touch

I thought I was careful.
I was being so careful.
I was doing what I thought I had to do
To keep you from hurting yourself and from hurting me
What did I do? Oh what do I do?

Where'd you go? Where'd you go?
Are you still on me now?
I can feel my heart ache

Where'd you go? Where'd you go?
Will the tail stubs come out?
Did I make a mistake?

I don't know

It's been a year since I met that tiny lizard
and I gave them, a life through a song
and I had so much trouble discerning the meaning
I was so sure, convinced I was wrong.

and I sung to myself, and I sung to a stream
shared this moment, my dream, although brief
and I must append that despite my small friend,
the melody would bring me relief.

But "I thought I was careful I was being so careful"
what everything meant became so clear to see
I kept getting tangled with every relation
found a role I could fill so it could fill me

"Where'd you go? Where'd you go?"
I convinced myself you were defenseless and small.
"Where'd you go? Where'd you go?"
I admit to myself, it doesn't matter at all.

Now I know, Now I know.
my fight or flight's broken and I only freeze
Now I know, Now I know.
It's okay to let go, practice catch and release
Now I know, Now I know.
Close the door behind me, so I can find peace.
Track Name: Petty Revenge
I wrote the book on petty revenge
when a bond or a friendship eventually ends
yea I know it's childish but nothing quite mends
a heart full of ache like some petty revenge

Don't feel too bad, it's a victimless crime
it's not like it takes up too much of your time,
there isn't much setup, it won't cost a dime
the best way to get back is just live your life

Smile in the pictures you know they'll be seeing
Keep doing you and in the case that they're creeping just
Point out all the things in which you've been succeeding
Be proud of yourself, it'll eat them alive

I wrote the book on petty revenge
when a bond or a friendship eventually ends
So I see what you're doing, though we said we'd stay friends
We're supposed to be cool but you want petty revenge

yeah I won't feel bad 'cause I'm outta the fog
I've blocked all your socials, I won't check you blog
all this triangulation, and re-shifting the blame
I'm not falling for that, no, I'm not playin' your game
instead

I'll smile in the pictures I know you'll be seeing
Find joy in myself while I know that you're creeping I'll
Point out the things in which I've been succeeding
Be proud of myself, because it eats you alive
I'm proud of myself I know it eats you alive

Keep on, be strong, tho you know that they're staring
Your sense of self worth won't rely on their caring
They're hitting refresh on everything that you're sharing

be proud of yourself, you know it eats them alive
be proud of yourself, you know it eats them alive
it'll eat them alive

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