A song-story about a recurring dream I was having with an extra verse added a year later.


had a dream I met a tiny lizard
Didn't name them, but they couldn't let me go
They'd run up my foot, up my leg, down my arm
Whenever I'd put them on the grass below

And the books I reference won't give me a hint
why this lizard stared up in my palm
Its tail would sting me and break off if I moved too much
for their sake and mine, I kept calm

When I showed them to all of the people I love
They'd climb aboard and they'd explore them too
But they always came back to my outreached hand
Why they chose me, I didn't have a clue.

And it first it felt like a blessing
That something so small
could love me so much

But I looked down my arms
at the palms of my hands
And the deep rooted tail stubs
which hurt to the touch

I thought I was careful.
I was being so careful.
I was doing what I thought I had to do
To keep you from hurting yourself and from hurting me
What did I do? Oh what do I do?

Where'd you go? Where'd you go?
Are you still on me now?
I can feel my heart ache

Where'd you go? Where'd you go?
Will the tail stubs come out?
Did I make a mistake?

I don't know

It's been a year since I met that tiny lizard
and I gave them, a life through a song
and I had so much trouble discerning the meaning
I was so sure, convinced I was wrong.

and I sung to myself, and I sung to a stream
shared this moment, my dream, although brief
and I must append that despite my small friend,
the melody would bring me relief.

But "I thought I was careful I was being so careful"
what everything meant became so clear to see
I kept getting tangled with every relation
found a role I could fill so it could fill me

"Where'd you go? Where'd you go?"
I convinced myself you were defenseless and small.
"Where'd you go? Where'd you go?"
I admit to myself, it doesn't matter at all.

Now I know, Now I know.
my fight or flight's broken and I only freeze
Now I know, Now I know.
It's okay to let go, practice catch and release
Now I know, Now I know.
Close the door behind me, so I can find peace.


from Kodapendent: The Ex Files, released July 19, 2019


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Dakoda "Puddle" Star Irvine, California

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